50 Shades of Controversy
I love it when a movie comes out that stirs the pot. 50 Shades is just that movie for people.
You really get to see where people are at by how they talk about the movie and the whole kink scene in general.
There are those who are intrigued and are now exploring this new world, those who go to see what the fuss is about and those who are appalled and offended without really knowing much at all.
As someone who has been involved with kink for a number of years I was very curious to see how they would play this out on the screen. My time in the kink world was so transformational and healing, which is the opposite of what uneducated folks think it is about. For me it allowed me to experience deep surrender, spiritual openings, release of abuse and trauma from my body and stepping into owning my personal power in a way that I never imagined possible.
I admit that I went into the movie with the expectation that it would be the typical misrepresented side of BDsM to give things a Hollywood thrill. To my delight it was way better than I had hoped.
I have to confess that I could not bring myself to read the books, I have too many literary friends who said the writing was terrible and since I have lived this personally the books held no appeal for me. However the idea of being able to observe people’s reactions to the scenes played out on screen, well that is a totally different story.
I loved how they played out the negotiation in a way that showed that it was actually Anna that held that power even though Christian was the dominant. Strong negotiation is so important in kink play as well as the rest of our life so I was cheering at this point. They also never made her a victim; she had the final say at all times. The question was would she willingly give herself over to him?
I also quite enjoyed how they brought out the sensual erotic side of the play in the early scenes. There are only a few rare individuals who enjoy full out pain. For the rest, it is about the pleasure and pain mixed together that allow for the deep surrender to a state of utter bliss. This is the appeal for people; letting go of everything so that you can have more of you. Pushing your limits to find out where the real edges are, instead of what you have made up as your limits.
In one scene Christian tells Anna that she is to feel no shame about her body and being naked. That is the power and the beauty for me in the Dominant/submissive connection. The permission to let go of the self judgments, to surrender and at the same time the “power over” is really an agreed upon illusion since the submissive is really the one with all the power. A good D/s relationship allows each person to step into more of who they are, shedding off the “I can’t” and seeing just what you are really capable of. The Dominant is actually of service to the submissive, and the submissive allows the Dominant to direct their actions as a way of surrendering to themselves.
Of course the play room that they created for the movie was to die for. I will admit to being quite envious of that room but then if one is a billionaire your play room would be quite elaborate and have the best of all the toys and equipment.
If I had anything to condemn about the movie about it was that Christian and Anna both saw this as fucked up and wrong, that there was something that needed to be fixed in him. If people are to give up judgment we need to stop labeling things as wrong. If both parties are consenting adults then it is choice. Just like eating Brussels sprouts or sardines are a choice – neither are my choices but I don’t make people wrong for eating them. The other point is that if it was the real world Christian would pick someone who already had a leaning to kink, instead of trying to convert someone over. But I get that a movie needs to have a villain in it and a conflict.
For what is basically a romance novel (albeit a kinky one) on the big screen, it was overall well done and quite accurately portrayed.
I am excited to see that it is getting people talking and exploring (hopefully safely).
We are all looking to grow and expand as human beings, and this is but one path to try out along the way.
If you are looking to feel more in control of your life and at ease with your body (I promise no whipping involved) then Click Here to See about working with Dana.