I love digging into the topic of the narcissist (otherwise known as a difficult person) especially right now with Trump in office, and the upcoming election. Why? Well, to identify and deal with narcissists of course. Now, this has nothing to do with whether or not you support or hold a very disdainful opinion of him. Trump likes to be right and he is RIGHT on the money with being an exceptional model of narcissism. As business owners, we will either work with them or avoid them, and either of those scenarios present interesting challenges that may cause you to beat your head against the wall while running in a never-ending hamster wheel.
The thing is, when working with a narcissist, it is critical to understand that stagnation is never the result of you not being able to do your job properly! It is just a matter of who they are. So let us dive into this stabbing topic! How do you identify a narcissistic person? What kind of characteristics and traits do they possess? Let us get to the place where you recognize some of the key characteristics and understand where they’re coming from so that you know how to interact, engage, and respond OR say, bye Felicia.
Things to note:
First and foremost, it is important to identify what a narcissist is not! Many people tend to believe that all narcissists are big, bad, and evil. Though inevitably, some are, that is definitely not true of all of them. Second, most people will not immediately fully comprehend the entirety of a narcissist. For those of us who are not narcissists (about 85% of the population), we care about other people and how we affect and interact with them. Guess what? Narcissists do not. It will be tricky to wrap your caring ways around the idea that someone has such an intentional excessive admiration of themselves to create toxic ways toward another person to get what they want. So be patient with yourself as you set out down this path to see a narcissist’s true ways.
Identifying a Narcissist
Narcissists are not interested in whether or not you feel good or bad!
A narcissist’s main objective is to feed off of your emotional response. Whether that is positive or negative, you may love them or hate them, they will feed off that emotion! They’re getting that “emotional high” and drain you like a vampire would.
Narcissists that feed off of your positive energy
Many of us have seen or personally felt “love bombing”. It is when a person intentionally hooks you, makes you feel like you are their whole world, their everything. The empathic side of you would think,”Wow! This is great. This person really loves me!” Sadly, none of this is for your gain and they do not actually care about you. Their goal is to get an emotional reaction from you so they fuel the energy needed to keep them going!
Narcissists that feed off your negative energy
On the other hand, a narcissist may do something to provoke you, which is easier to do. Honestly, we know this! We know from our own experience that it is easier to provoke somebody. It’s easier to poke at them and get that energetic, emotional reaction from the angry side than it is from the love side.
This is why we call narcissists difficult people! They are actually looking to be difficult. They need to piss you off so that they get that energy fix. Think back to our shining example of Donald Trump. Put aside whether you love or loathe, that is not the point. Look at the recent debate. He intentionally took personal jabs at Biden (about his son Hunter’s drug addiction, and Biden’s education) to purposefully get a reaction out of him. Or think back to when he was separating the kids from their parents. I would be willing to bet money that he did this intentionally to get a rise out of the population and to distract them from something else that he’s doing.
Two Primary Types of Narcissists
There are the grandiose narcissists (more commonly seen in males), and the victim narcissists (more commonly seen in women). Both of these types of narcissists can really screw up your business.
The grandiose type tends to be more visible and larger than life (again, Trump). They are loud, and want that spotlight of attention. They will not hold back, and take jabs.
When it comes to business, grandiose narcissists are often the suppliers. I see this a lot in the coaching world. I see a lot of people getting sucked into coaches that don’t deliver. They are very grandiose in what they promise, they sound confident and have Grade-A copy. They will sell you on something you do not need, or take money that you do not have.
This type sucks people into helping because their life is “always a mess and going wrong”. Now, every single person will face a difficult time in their life and will likely need help. The key difference is, a victim-narcissist always wants help but will never put in the effort to make a change! Remember, they feed off of emotion and attention. So when something is wrong, caring people want to help! And. They. Love. It.
When it comes to business, the victim narcissist is often the client. They will likely come to you with some sob story, beg for a deal, and they will be the ones that will screw you over. They will be the ones that will suck up all your time needing 50,000 emails answered and hand holding.
How to deal with narcissists
First and foremost, you need to be able to recognize them. It is really important for you to be in tune with yourself and not feed them with your energy. This is where the inner work comes in and will save you time and money.
When it comes to the grandiose narcissists, since they are great at luring people in, you need to be able to check in with your intuition and determine whether they will deliver the goods or not. Really tune into your inner dominatrix, and trust in yourself. If you are sitting in the scarcity mindset and you are afraid, you will get sucked in. So standing in your inner power is going to stop you from wasting your money.
As for the victim narcissists, when someone reaches out with a sob story, really check in intuitively. Ask yourself, “Do they actually want to shift and change?” OR, “Are they looking to feed off of me by feeling bad for them?” If you think they are just trying to feed off of your emotions and attention, back off, and do not feed in! How can you tell? Again, fine tuning your awareness and trusting in yourself.
The reality is, about 15% of the population can be identified as having narcissistic character disorder. That means that anywhere you go, there is bound to be a narcissist in the room. If you are at a networking event with 20 or 30 people, there are probably two or three narcissists in the room. If you own a business with employees, there is a good chance that you are going to run into some while interviewing candidates, or even work for you! Now, do not let this scare you! It will just save you a lot of wasted time and money by understanding how to spot them, and then work with them. Remember, they are all about themselves. So being aware of this will prevent you from making yourself wrong. So claim your inner power! More on dealing with undesirables here.
If you are looking to go deeper, if you want to dive in and really claim your inner dominatrix to rock your business, I would love to have a conversation with you. Head on to www.bookDana.in and let’s have a chat. Have a fantastic day!