I sat with my coach and I could feel the trigger that was boiling under the surface, to feel the anger and frustration that was not directed at anything in particular yet somehow I also knew that I was just not willing to really see what was there. I can’t even remember what the symptoms were that I was whining to my coach about, but she hit me square in the face with the core of my resistance and protestations.
“What will it take to forgive the cult?”
I could feel that plunge into my chest as my whole body sank with the resolution that the gig was up. I could no longer pretend that I did not know what was going on. I HAD to look at this now.
Deep breath! Feel the pain, feel the anger, feel the hate I have stored and pretended that I was okay with, while clearly there was a layer still brewing.
Sure, I could intellectually get to a space where it is okay for them to be who they are, and I have long since let go of the need to bring them down and punish them, but truth be told I had not been willing to forgive them. Which meant that I was also not willing to let go of making them wrong.
And if I am not willing to forgive them, then I LOSE! Yep, forgiveness is a purely selfish act. One to free you from your own personal chains and binds.
It has been nearly 30 years since I have been bound by the rules of that organization and yet, here I was imposing a portion of the limitation on myself by holding on to the need to make them wrong. Possibly so that I had an excuse to not go beyond this comfortable life I have built, or maybe just out of habit. It really does not matter why, the choice to change it is the valuable piece here.
So leaning WAY into the pain, the discomfort and using my tools, I made the choice to forgive them. It is still a work in progress, but the ease that is being created as a result is quite incredible. I can see it shifting things because I am also taking more productive action in my business too. Cleaning up things that I should have done a year ago – like getting a sidebar image that goes to my super sexy opt-in freebie for my blogs and podcasts.
I suspect that subconsciously, I was not playing full out because I was still holding on to some of the rules and unspoken agreements of the religion. This “don’t get too big” or “don’t make too much money” belief has been running for far too long and it is time to release it into the incinerator.
I have also been doing more reach outs and connections with people and of course making more money (woo hoo!!!) as a result of this shifting. It is always interesting how the more I clear, the more I can tune in and get the inspiration for what needs to happen next and to follow through, which then leads to the next level of crap to surface emotionally ready to be cleared out and when I do that leads to more inspired action, which leads to more crap surfacing (spiraling upward more and more).
The thing is each level also brings a willingness to lean in more to these triggers and shit, to react less and look forward to the challenges. To find the joy in digging in! The joy in the pain…which is kind of what I learned in the dungeon 😉 when I played on the submissive side all those years ago.
A trip to the dungeon is not for everyone, but luckily everyone can benefit from the training to lean into pain and challenges. To find joy concurrent with the pain – to still be connected to the fact that this reality is bs and we are Infinite Beings running around in human bodies for a wee joy ride on this planet.
If you are ready to learn how to claim your Inner Dominatrix – including learning how to identify and clear out your triggers on your own to keep your momentum ever upwards and enjoying ALL of the ride, then it is time for us to talk. Schedule a call to find out what the road map looks like for you and your business, clearing out the junk and mapping the inspired strategic action.