There was a time in my life that I can honestly say I was very attached to my victim status.
I did go through some crap in my life and there are things that I was a victim of, but I am talking about after those actual instances were over and how I lived my life on a day to day basis.
If you meet me 10-12 years ago I was an extremely different person. I had a chip on my shoulder and saw the world as a cold and ugly place where I could not catch a break. At every turn I had people taking advantage of me and using me. I could not stand overcast days they sucked out any joy I had for being alive.
The thing is that I was not willing to let go of the story of being a victim. While yes, we all have shitty things that happen to us, it is what we do with it that separates out if we are victims of it or if we do something with it.
Well, I lived as a victim. I complained. I whined. I was angry – a lot!
It would seem really logical on the outside that I should want to run as fast as I could away from that but no! I hung on to it. You see, I had upside or gains that I was not willing to lose. I had people who would give me things, or do things for me because they felt bad for me. And I had people who would agree with me and jump in with their own tales of woe.
Keep in mind that at this point I had done years of counseling and therapy. I was reaching out to improve things and they were improving – a little. It was not until I got involved in the Kink world and was able to remove the trauma from my body of the sexual abuse that things started to really shift.
It was not instant, there was no magic pill or magical clearing that shifted all of it. Over time things cleared faster and faster, deeper and deeper – Woo Hoo!
To the point where I am now, the traces of abuse are really hard to find now, and I have given up that victim status trading it in for being in charge of creating my life on purpose now. The clearing out of the abuse on the energetic level has allowed me to easily find gratitude and live in the space of gratitude (most of the time, I am not perfect).
Those grey days … I can now see the beauty of those too.
If you have been abused and wonder if there is still energetic residue in your system that could be preventing you from creating our life, than we need to talk.