Are you addicted to making yourself wrong? Now, I do not care how accomplished you are, how many gold medals you have won, or how many accolades you have because no matter how successful you are, inside there is likely a piece of you that likes to make yourself wrong! What does this mean? You know when you ask yourself, “Am I good enough? Should I be doing more? Should I be further along than I am?” (And the list goes on!) All of these questioning beliefs that pop up again and again are, at the core, are caused by you comparing yourself and looking at what everybody else is doing and thinking. By comparing yourself, you will get caught in the cycle asking, “am I less than… am I wrong?”
I am not asking, “do you sometimes make yourself wrong?” No! I am asking, are you addicted to making yourself wrong? Now before you roll your eyes and think, “No! Just stop comparing yourself to others!” Not that it’s like telling a person trying to lose weight to, “Just stop eating burgers and the problem will be solved.” It is never that simple! When you have an addiction to being wrong, you internalize that idea “If I want to do better, I need to make myself wrong!” And that thought becomes a belief, and eventually a go-to, lifelong coping mechanism.
Things that make you second-guess yourself
How has this become your M.O.? There are many factors, and many combinations. One example, that has affected most of us, is mainstream marketing! If you are 26 years of age or older, you grew up with fear and scarcity marketing. This style of marketing tells you that you are not good enough and a product will fix you! You know, the:
Try this skin cream! It will reverse your age and finally, you will get noticed. It will make you feel so good about yourself!
Douse yourself in some Chanel N°5 and the man of your dreams will swim over to you!
These marketing campaigns leave imprints, impacting you down to your DNA! Now combine that with the pressure from your parents who likely (based on the time period they grew up in) have this mindset of, “If we tell you what is wrong with you, you will want to work harder!” And you have yourself the perfect recipe for making yourself wrong.
So, back to my original question, are you addicted to making yourself wrong?
Clearly, this belief system needs to go! But how?
First and foremost, since we are addressing a lifelong addiction, it is imperative that you recognize there is no simple fix. This requires that you make a commitment to removing yourself from this dynamic. There are two ways to handle this: The DIY method (which I lay out below), or working with someone. As always, it is significantly faster to work with someone as they have birds eye view and can quickly call you on your bullshit.
If you choose the DIY method, realize that, no matter how long you have held onto this, It can still change however there is no set timeline. It might take you a year, it might take you two years, but that is okay, keep going!
The DIY Method
1) First, recognize that, “I am addicted, but I am committed to being this other person who does not make myself wrong!”
Sounds simple enough but it takes a lot of character for you to be able to recognize and accept this fact.
2) Grab your journal and write a statement like this, “I commit to seeing myself as whole, perfect, and capable.”
The trick is, always start it with “I commit to seeing myself…” Then finish it with the answers to this question. “Who am I, if I am not wrong?”
Then continue to write that statement in your journal. Every. Single. Day.
3) Now you need to address the behaviors.
To do so, grab your journal and start making a list of your behaviors that reinforce this model of being wrong? How do you end up showcasing that? Here is an example:
One of my clients, this absolutely beautiful and stunning girl, came to me with a problem. She always takes on a project (often too many projects), and pushes it off until the last minute. Inevitably, she falls behind on the deadline. Now frazzled and anxious, she runs, trying to catch up, and as a result does not do the best job that she can on the project — which she hates.
At this point she feels like she has let the person that has her project down, and let herself down, so she starts to apologize way too much! These are three major behaviours, procrastinating, rushing, and then making herself wrong so desperately apologizing, are really not a good or her business.
So we dug into these behaviours, and we uncovered that they are coming from her addiction of being wrong.
4) Now it is time to override your subconscious mind.
Using my client’s example, the strategist people would all say, “Well just change that behaviour! Slate it in! Make yourself do it and stick with it.” That is great and can work unless you have an addiction. The addiction will override all of the logical steps.
For years, she truly believed that in order for her to be okay, she must get approval from other people. Oftentimes, doing what she is supposed to do, does not get the praise or recognition. So she creates problems that she has to fix, and in the fixing it gets recognition. Until one day, it is all stacked up, she cannot fix everything, and she no longer gets the praise.
So, in order to move forward, you have to override your subconscious mind so that you can implement the logical pieces that will move you forward!
5) Implement new behaviours.
Again, look at your current behaviors and decide which tools you are going to use to deal with the resistance to change!
Approach this as if you were planning to safely lose 100 pounds over a period of one to two years. It might just start with cutting out sugar from your coffee, or taking a walk after dinner. But tackling and changing one behaviour at a time will add up.
So, look at the behaviors that reinforce your addiction to being wrong. Tackle them one at a time until you change, really change, this dynamic of making yourself wrong on a continual basis.
More on helping yourself overcome this feeling of inadequacy here.
And if you need guidance…
So, that was the DIY method! Now, if you want the easy route, call me! I am really good at helping people break these old systems quickly and easily. I am now offering two methods: the one-on-one options or The Mentorship Program in which you get laser coaching from me in a group format! So head over to bookdana.in and schedule your consultation.